It's a Not So Wonderful Day in the Neighborhood
by Anya Urameshi
Summary: Mornings in the Kirkland-Jones-Williams home were never boring. AU


Notes: I'm pretty sure this isn't what my requester had in mind….but I did my best. For reference, here are the character's country names and ages in this fic.

Igraine (Albion) - 42

Taran (Scotland) - 21

Rhys (Wales) - 23

Maebh (Ireland) - 24

Arthur (England) - 18

Matthew (Canada) - 12

Alfred (America) - 12

Peter (Sealand) - 6

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Mornings in the Kirkland-Jones-Williams home were never boring.

"Has anyone seen my keys?" Arthur Kirkland yelled, running into the kitchen with a semi-frantic expression and almost tripping over Peter, who was pulling pans out of the bottom cabinets and throwing them all over the floor.

"We're out of cereal!" Rhys informed the general populace, staring up into the pantry with an expression of deep forlorn.

"Taran quite hogging the bathroom! Other people have to use it!" Maebh could be heard shrieking down the hall, followed by the sound of her beating on the door to the room in question and Taran's angry protests that he'd only been in there three minutes.

Five natural siblings ranging from the age of 24 to 6 and their slightly eccentric mother filled the house along with a pair of twelve-year-old twins whom Arthur had brought home one day a few years back (nobody was quite sure where they came from, but nobody had come after them either so Igraine allowed them to stay). It was pretty crowded, but they made it work.

Most of the time.

"Why hasn't anyone turned on the coffee maker yet?" Alfred asked, looking like his world was going to end at any moment if he didn't get his daily fix (and for all they knew, it might. That boy had a rather unhealthy addiction to the stuff).

"Because that stuff will rot your brain, Alfred!" Arthur informed him, rifling through the pockets of his coat.

"Just because _you're_ too much of an old man to drink it, Arthur-"

"Would you two shut the hell up?! I've got a headache!" Taran interrupted, storming into the room in nothing but a towel, having been violently ejected from his shower by his very pregnant sister.

"We're also out of eggs," Rhys bemoaned, giving the contents of the refrigerator a depressed look. "Oh, but I found Artie's keys…."

"Is anyone ready to go yet?" Igraine asked with an exasperated look, lifting Peter out of his mess and carrying him over to the table.

"Is there anything edible to eat?"

"There's some scones I made last night," Arthur stated, taking his keys from his brother's outstretched hand.

"Those aren't edible."

"Fuck you!"

"Arthur! Language!" Igraine yelped, covering Peter's ears and praying that he wouldn't go repeating that at school.

"Yeah, Arthur," Alfred teased. _"Language~_"

"Shut up, idiot."

"Doesn't their school start in like….five minutes?" Maebh asked, covering her mouth as she let out a wide yawn before wandering over to lay her head on the table with a groan.

"Fuck!" Igraine yelped, leaping to her feet and immediately covering her mouth a moment later as she realized what she had said.

"Fuck," Peter repeated gleefully. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

"Oh damn it all."

"That's not helping, mum," Taran informed her helpfully, having located some decent clothing in the laundry room.

"Everyone in the car!" she yelled, ignoring her oldest son in favor of helping her youngest into his winter coat. Alfred was already out the door and into the snow, followed by a worried Arthur whom he proceeded to beam in the head with a snowball.

"But I didn't get to eat breakfast yet!" Rhys whined, tugging on his hat.

"Well, who's fault is that?"

"Arthur's! It was his turn to go get the groceries!"

"No it wasn't! It was Maebh's!"

"I'm pregnant, so my chores automatically default to you," the red-haired girl informed her little brother sweetly as she climbed into the front seat (another perk of being with child, apparently).

"Last I checked, pregnancy wasn't synonymous with invalid!"

"Have you ever been pregnant before?"

"No."

"Well, there you go then."

"I could get Arthur pregnant!" Alfred yelled, leaning forward in his seat to hug the older blonde around the neck.

"And how the bloody hell would you do that?" Arthur demanded, face reddening brilliantly while his siblings laughed and his mother wondered if it was too late to take Romulus up on his offer to runaway to some tropical island in the Pacific.

"Well, Francis said that when a guy wants to get his woman pregnant he puts his dick in her-"

"ALFRED!" Igraine shrieked, turning to give her son a wide-eyed look.

"I'M NOT A WOMAN!" Arthur yelled, turning in his seat to glare at the preteen. "And why the hell are you talking to that perverted toad anyways?!"

"Are you sure you aren't?" Taran muttered. "Cause you sure as hell PMS like one."

"What'd you say?" Maebh and Arthur demanded darkly and Taran sunk into his seat, praying he wouldn't wake up with spiders in his bed again.

"Mommy," Peter stated. "I gotta go to the bathroom."

"Can you hold it until we get to the school?"

"Maybe…"

"I forgot my book bag!" Rhys yelped, searching around his feet frantically as if he'd maybe missed it.

"Do without!" Igraine growled, hands clenching tightly on the steering wheel.

"We forgot Matt," Alfred informed the party with a bright grin. "Can we do without him too?"

"_FUCK!"_


End file.
